MY Drawing

I once again remembered the time when I had made a drawing. I think it was a picture of a woman and I was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom and then to my dad. Then I went off to play or some such thing. A while later when I came back I went to look  at my picture again, expecting to find it as I had left it and was horrified to see that it had been altered. Not beyond recognition because I could still make out my lines in it, but the face I had drawn was no longer there. I was very upset and asked my mom what had happened and she told me that my dad had reworked it. I was so mad, so bloody angry, but I could not vent my anger of course, otherwise I would have gotten beaten on top of everything else. So my fury turned into tears and I sobbed my vexation and frustration. 

I remember we were all three of us lying on the cot, mom in the middle, dad on one side and me on the other. I was crying, sobbing and sniffling, as I tried to come to terms with the fact that my darling picture had been changed such that it was no longer mine. Mom tried to make things between us better by saying that dad had just tried to improve it, she thought that would appease me, but it just made me feel more frustrated.

I wanted so much for dad and mom to see it and appreciate it, but dad went and changed it, corrected it thinking he was making it prettier. So that meant that what I had drawn was not good enough. It had to be modified to meet his standard of acceptance; underlying message 'I was not good enough and had to be modified to be acceptable'.

I remember how my parents told me to rub the sides of my nose so that it would not be so broad. Fucking shits! My nose was and is good enough. I was and am good enough. My drawings and paintings were and are good enough! I am an artist and I do not need their and/or anybody else’s appreciation or approbation for it.

Inner child work

already began that with the expression and allowing of anger that i felt at them especially at him.

the little girl says "why the hell did you alter my picture? i want the image i drew. that was the better picture coz i had made that and i was and am proud of it. there was no need for you to improve it. if you wanted you could have made another drawing. i want the picture i made. you had better erase the changes you made and give me back my drawing"

and from a slightly older place, but still somewhat angry "If you are a good parent you will appreciate my drawing as it is and put it up some place in the house."

In fact I will do that for my inner kid. I will make a drawing with her now and I will put it up on the fridge and give her all the love and appreciation she needs. 

and i do just that. my little girl feels appreciated now and loved. she is an artist. she loves her picture. and it hangs on the fridge. if she feels like it she might color it some time. for now she likes it just as it is - MY drawing.