Saturday, March 14, 2009

"mirror, mirror on the wall; who is the maddest of us all?"




i saw a movie today that i loved deeply. it has its heart in the right place, which is delhi -6. why 6? because that is the pincode of old delhi. delhi 6 with its labyrinthine streets and alleys, cycle rikshaws, swirling crowds, parathans and sweets, muhallas and the muhallewalas, the warm people that can make you their own, if you let them. everyone is family until suddenly, chimerically it breaks apart. delhi 6 - the film offers a hard look at these people, at us.

i was connected to delhi 6 through my ex-husband, a man who later introduced me as his friend, never as the ex-wife and that too is part and parcel of the ways of delhi -6. no matter. co-incidentally his current wife also stars in the film. be that as it may, the essence of delhi -6 lingers on in me and this film helps revive it. for that i am grateful to soul-brother rakeysh omprakash mehra. i like this man more and more...

he gave us 'rang de basanti' and that was a tough act to follow. but he triumphs with delhi -6. fine tuned performances by the entire ensemble, abhishek too is growing on me, sonam is lovely and pitch-perfect, as are waheeda, om puri, vijay raj, rishi kapoor, supriya pathak, sheeba, atul kulkarni, divya dutta, deepak dobriyal, etc. etc.

the film works on many layers and levels, ram leela is the myth on stage, the kala bunder (black monkey) is the allegory you follow on television through the film you are watching on-screen.
the summary of the plot (borrowed from wikipedia) is as follows :-

The film opens with the ailing grandmother Annapurna at the office of a cardiac surgeon in New York. The surgeon indicates that Annapurna suffers from heart blockage and may not have long to live. Annapurna insists on returning to Delhi, her hometown, where she intends to die in peace. Though her son and daughter-in-law object vehemently, her American-born grandson Roshan (who has a special bond with his grandmother) agrees to bring her back.
Annapurna is received with pomp and ceremony when she returns to her home in old delhi. Roshan is initially stunned by the mad rush of various neighbors: Ali Baig the renaissance man, feuding brothers Madangopal and Jaigopal, their wives and families, Mamdu the halwai, Gobar the simpleton, Sethji and many others. However, Roshan eventually warms to the place and wholeheartedly embraces the sense of community in it. He accompanies his grandmother to the Ramleelas, hangs out at Mamdu's sweet stall, plays with the children, and gradually becomes steeped in the culture of the place.
Roshan is also slowly exposed to some sobering realities. When Annapurna faints (due to fluctuating blood sugar levels) and they scramble to get her to a hospital, he finds the roads choked by traffic because of an impromptu ceremony around a cow in labor; he is further surprised when his grandmother, despite her stupor, stumbles forth to seek the blessings of a sacred cow; and he is astounded when the local police seem to encourage the practice. Roshan begins to understand the feuds and social issues in the community. Madangopal's sister Rama is unwed (at an age when spinsterhood is a significant social no-no) and Jaigopal's electrical business is going nowhere. The lecherous old local money lender Lala Bhairam is married to a young girl who, in turn, is having an affair with a young photo-studio hand Suresh. Suresh is a double timer who is also pursuing Madangopal's daughter Bittu. Bittu secretly wants out of the stuck-in-time Old Delhi; she secretly prepares to audition for a popular reality show indian idol in the hope that she will win her way to Mumbai. Roshan comes to appreciate Ali Baig's cosmopolitan tastes and is surprised to learn that Ali Baig fancied his mother many years ago, and has since never married. And Roshan comes to empathize with the lower-caste trash collector girl Jalebi who must endure untouchability at social functions except for when some of the brutish locals seek company. Roshan also crosses paths with the loutish inspector Ranvijay who blithely stretches his authorities to manhandle the locals, and becomes acquainted with the local assemblywoman who displays political power at every opportunity.
In the meantime, the news media is all abuzz with tales of a fearsome terror known only as the "Kala bandar (Black Monkey)". This miscreant (never shown clearly in the film) attacks people, steals various articles and has also caused the death of a few innocent people. (These deaths are mostly accidental, as in the example of a pregnant housewife who was supposedly startled by a silhouette and fell down a flight of stairs or the example of an unfortunate man who was briefly zapped by a live electric wire.) Nonetheless, the local news picks up on every move by the kala bandar and loudly blares about all his exploits. Jaigopal, the self-proclaimed electronics genius, theorizes that the kala bandar likely has an electrical circuit (to zap his victims) and may be electrocuted by water; this rumor is quickly propagated through the locality.
The film takes several turns. After some initial friction, Roshan and Bittu warm to each other. Roshan intervenes when Bittu is about to receive a prospective suitor arranged by Madangopal. He echoes Bittu's desire to pursue other dreams; this drives the suitor away and brings Madangopal's wrath upon him. He gradually begins to fall in love with Bittu, but is confused when Bittu expresses her affections for Suresh (she believes he will support her dreams). Around this time, the kala bandar attacks Old Delhi. The simple-minded locals bring in a tantrik Shani baba to exorcize the demonic influence of the kala bandar. After an extended havan ceremony, the tantrik baba indicates that the local mosque, built over the ruins of a temple that was demolished for the purpose, is the provocation for the evil soul of the kala bandar. This promptly stokes animosity in the otherwise harmonious Hindu-Muslim community. After the initial peaceful demonstrations (by rallies and angry meetings), various mobs go on rampage and tear up some of the local streets. Roshan attempts to make peace, but is rebuffed because of his mixed religious parentage. The locals ultimately settle on the fact that the kala bandar is hiding out in the sooni galli (a dark lane known to harbor evil presences) and must be destroyed. They command the simpleton Gobar to fetch a lock of hair from the evil enemy so that the tantrik can burn it and complete the exorcism.
Roshan becomes aware of Bittu's plan to elope with Suresh, and that Suresh is a low-life two timer. He dons a monkey mask and monkey outfit and stealthily follows Bittu by leaping across the rooftops. In the meantime Gobar ventures into the sooni galli where Jalebi gives him a lock of her hair so he may return in triumph and bring peace to the community. At that moment, Roshan (in his monkey outfit) intercedes in Bittu and Suresh's rendezvous and causes the cowardly Suresh to flee. Bittu raises a loud alarm before Roshan unmasks himself, whereupon the angry locals storm the place. But not before Roshan has had a chance to avow his love for Bittu and she has reciprocated.
Believing Roshan to be the kala bandar, the angry mob beat him to within an inch of his life and Mamdu shoots him. Then, Gobar comes up with a startling deduction about the reality of the kala bandar. The revelation stops the violence. Roshan has a near death expereince, meeting his grandpop, who wants to ask forgiveness of his muslim daughter-in-law. Roshan comes back to quote Zuak, "Kaun jaaye zauk yeh delhi ki galliyan chhod kar". The film ends on a happy note with peace and joy restored to the community of Old Delhi.

that is on the straight forward level. as a social commentary :-
the monkey-man is a real phenomenon that occurred 2-3 years ago. the tv footage could just as well have been taken from the coverage of that event. the rumor mongering and the media adding to the frenzy is as rampant as the flourishing of superstition. the mandir-masjid issue that sparked many a riot among the hindus and muslims is, well, dare i say, history? the roof-top romance is fortunately an on-going occurance. the coming home to die in one's own coutnry is a common enough sentiment, though i do not know of any indian families that speak so openly of death and dying and prepare for it too. perhaps it is rakesh's homage to an iraniam film 'mother' and the man with the mirror to a makhmalbaf film.

now the man with the mirror is the element that raises the film from good to great. i would have prefered the call to recognising oneself as the divine or as the black monkey to have been more subtle, but given that this is a hindi commercial film it is fairly well done. not only is the mirror strategically placed on the wish-fulfilling tree at the end, but the entire film is that mirror. the mirror that invites us to look at how we create factions, riots, walls, as well as connections, relations and love. but like roshan's sermon in the film or gobar's; advice is one that the fools do not take ...

the flavour of delhi -6 is in the way the people speak -. at the risk of diluting if not losing it in translation- "dogs eat to satiate hunger, humans to create bonds""you won't be allowed to get an entry if you don't have this" "i could go to bombay anytime i am just allowing others to get a chance"it is in the 'the urdu peotry of Zauk', the mukesh songs on radio, the rivalry in singing bhajans at the 'jagran', the kite-flying, the ram-leela, the pigeon-rearing, but most of all the typical characters that populate the old city.

the bribe-taking, slap-happy cop, the corner shop-keeper-owner , the squabbling brothers, the spinster sister, the rich old lusty man married to a young woman, who cheats on him, the cassanova photographer, the middle-class young woman who escapes her father's plans of matrimony for her by chasing dreams of making it on a talent hunt tv reality show, the political figure riding on communal tension, the idiot who is smarter than all the rest, the low-caste woman with the sharp tongue.... the only not so believable aspect is how quickly she gets integrated into mainstream society...letting that be

i take my hat off to delhi-6 and its maker even more for the inner conflict that re-iterates in his two films. the belief in surrender and fate and its slide into inaction and apathy vs. belief as faith. this is a spiritual query that confronts every thinking seeker and every feeling intelligent being. this is the central issue at the heart of the film. not so much whether NRIs ought (or ought not) to be returning to india once again. although delhi 6 reverbates with the issues of belonging and feeling disconnected or alienated, the question of faith is at the core regardless of the forms it may take.

the call is to see the divinity in oneself and that cannot come about unless and until we are also willing to recognise the mad monkey that resides within us whenever it springs up and takes control of our re-actions. but i am sermonising again and this message is better delivered through the songs in the film. they not only capture the flavours of old delhi but bring out the essence of faith. a. r. rehman and prasoon joshi (lyrics) make a potent combination indeed. my favuorites are 'massakali', 'delhi-6', 'genda phool', and the classical 'bhor bhaye' but most of all 'arziyan' or 'maulah mere maulah'

i urge all and sundry to see the film and listen to its music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3LKicPLYn0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45M1VXqFdRA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdUcxdmjw04

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The many layers of silence


Silence can be used in a variety of ways. Contrary to the popular conception of ‘suffering in silence’, there is also the possibility of using silence as a protest. Psychologists might regard it as passive aggression but when chosen consciously there is nothing passive about it. Silence need not be taken to mean consent or acquiescence. It can be smoldering with resistance and filled with pent-up hostility and frustration. Or then again it can be as potent, all-seeing and compassionate as the silence of the conscious and still mind.

Yes, silence has many layers. There is an angry silence just as there is a scared silence; there is a loving silence and there is a grieving silence. Silence can be awkward or easy, friendly or aggressive, spontaneous or pregnant with possibilities.

Why do they call silence golden? Because often it means you are refraining from reacting to a bad situation and making it worse. So then silence means the exercise of restraint. Silence can be prayer. Silence can be coming full circle. Silence can be completion, fulfillment, gratitude; silence is simplicity per se, acceptance of what is.

Words that arise from silence are meaningful words. Words that are born of noise are distractions and add to the chaos around. Words born of silence carry the awareness of silence between them and so have the power to awaken and inspire. Noisy words lull one to sleep or mental fatigue, if they arouse then they work upon the lower passions and instigate one into activities that are not truly fulfilling.

If and when you are faced with verbal assault of this nature it is better to remain silent. Participation in such a dialogue will only draw you into the circle of attachment-involvement-action and reaction. Refraining from the use of words will give you the energy to direct your attention back to where it is needed – to the inner peace and tranquility that is your basic nature – silence.

It is true silence has many colours. The composite of all these colours, as well as the ground, the base colour is that of silence. Amen!
Om shanti, shanti, shanti om!

Friday, December 12, 2008

awareness

am falling into an old pattern again, that of blame. i am feeling frustrated that so many of my multiple talents, skills etc. are not getting used and a feeling of defeatism accompanies any new attempt at starting something or getting something accomplished. i cannot understand how my husband is never concerned about any of this. how he can live with someone day in and day out, knowing that so much capability is going waste, and not doing anything about it. at most times pretending that nothing is wrong, occupying the other with trifles and endlessly playing mind games.

MR. i did not "think" that you were happy when i failed my driving test, i knew it. i was aware of it a visceral level like i am aware of your hunger when you do not eat on time (and sometimes get confused and assume that it is i who am hungry). so maybe it is not blame after all. that is just how it is. you need my energy to succeed and you can get it only when i am not engaged in my own ambitions. so you are happy that i do not get a job or am not successful in any external ventures. you are nervous and afraid everytime i go out of the house. you feel relieved when i come back home and are pleased when i spend my time in front of the tv.

you know that i know this and am therefore resentful and bitter and i fantasize about leaving you and breaking free of this stranglehold of a relationship. so you live on edge, dreading this possibility and doing what you can to avoid this situation, everything other than actually allowing me to be free. so you try and pamper me, cook for me, letting me spend money on shopping etc. etc. but not that which is truly essential for me.

is this my blame game or is this my reality? a wave of self-pity there and i breathe with it. i have spent too many hours crying and feeling miserable hoping to get to the bottom of the sadness and being free of it once and for all. and that is the reason i stick on in the realtionship because i know it is a causal connection; one that has the possibility of liberating me from the cause-effect karmic cycle?

or is my current situation a mix of both? it is my reality because that is how i think. how then to change this way of thinking while being surrounded by the evidence of such a 'reality'? i am shivering inside, like in intense cold but it is not the outside temperature that is cold, it is my loneliness, my misery, my inner reality. i breathe with it, long deep conscious breaths. a change is coming, surely a change is coming. it has too, it is high time. if i close my eyes i see hundreds of tv images...will smith re-inventing himself from being an irresponsible teen-ager of "the fresh prince of bel-air" show to being a responsible father of "the pursuit of happyness".
my feet are cold the inner shivers continue. shall i just turn on the heating, better than continuing to feel miserable - needlessly?

my task for today is to feel the sorrow without giving in to blame or self-pity. my task for a longer term is to be the highest self that i am. i do not call it my life task because i don't want to fall into the trap of being a life long seeker. i also intend to attain - within this lifetime, or atleast to keep the possibility open.

i have put on a jacket and socks. let us see what happens with the shivers. it is not just my husband (hubs from now on) who i am aware of at a visceral level. i am also aware of samuel (ex-lover cum teacher, a true love?) - watching me aware of my internal states as i am, and he becomes more present when i become more aware at a deeper level. daniele (samuel's life partner) too now and then and my father and my father-in-law. the latter rather more than i would like.

there is a tussle of sorts between hubs and his father. often what pleases one does not please the other. it pleases his father immensely when i cook and do house-work and eat on time and think about the members of his family with affection and/or concern. it pleases him when i cover my head with a piece of cloth or feel devotional. it also pleases him when i am irritated by hubs and think of his faults accusingly. like when i am grumbling internally or externally about hub's untidiness or uncleanliness. his father seems to feel vindicated in some manner.

hubs feels rather pleased when i grumble about his father internally, about his conventional expectations and traditional ways that are out-moded now. he is also pleased when i go without food for a while or am intensely involved in something that makes me ungrounded. samuel too enjoys my energy when i am non-grounded. i guess there is a sexual-sensual charge. it makes me sad when people in general respond to me like that even when noone does anything inappropriate. and breathing through another wave of sadness, the breath is going deeper now all the way to the soft belly.

so many secrets that the breath can reveal to us. secrets from our past, emotional secrets, little blocks and holds and locks. and the key is to continue breathing through it all, through the inner twirls of the energy wheels -chakras, but then the breath becomes oh so subtle and almost disappears....and a door opens to other levels of awareness, or alternate states of reality, if you will...or just the 'here and now' clearer and more intense than ever.

so it is that the outer reality reflects the inner and vice versa....

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

catching up

spent the day watching you tube videos of my favourite singer sinead o'connor. i used to call her see-ni-add but apparently she is sheen-aid. so one learns something new everyday. also learnt today that AB has a blog. yes Mr Amitabh Bachchan also blogs, hmm not bad, not bad at all.

so many things have happenned in my life since my last post. i changed apartments - the main reason for not writing for ever so long. i also travelled to san diego by amtrak bus and train. my new place has a fireplace and a high beam ceiling, the two reasons for taking it up. the glenbrook apartment complex to which it belongs has won some well-deserved awards for landscaping etc. so there are seven swimming pools, many many trees currently resplendant in fall colours and a few brooks with ducks, and several squirrels swarming the place. the squirrels here (as in the US) have not been blessed by Sri Rama and hence do not have the three black lines marking them and so do not look quite as pretty, but they are cute nevertheless.

the day has been gray, the rain relentless, ideal time for curling up in a blanket in front of the tv or the internet, or with a book or a man. but the man has to go earn the bucks, so an intricate jigsaw puzzle will do. i love the designs offered by sacred spaces based on native american indian themes.

what else is there to catch up on? tomorrow being thanksgiving and perhaps another day of travel let me say thankyou to all of you for visiting me, now and then, frequently, whenever....

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

jai arunachalam shivam!










some pics of the mountain from here and there. even in pics arunachalam has the power to make my thoughts stop and allow me to travel into the land of stillness and Being.

Monday, September 29, 2008

"burn after reading"



a delightful caper, a total lark of a film. atta boys cohen bros. quite a departure from 'no country for old men'.

with an impressive star cast - must say the males (george clooney, brad pitt, john malkovich) did a far better job of it than the females (frances mcdormand, tilda swinson). clooney and pitt have engagingly entertained us earlier in the ocean's series with their implicit understanding and tacit communication. here they (plus malkovich at most times though not always) amuse us with their comical almost caricaturish parody of their own characters. mcdormand is a lttle too empathic towards her character and swinson swings.


pitt and clooney play their roles once removed and spoof themselves with such aplomb that they carry you with ease into the spirit of the film. but if you can't get into the burlesque lampoonery (at the risk of over-stating) then you might as well walk out for you will get nothing. but if you manage to slip into the farce then there are laughs galore and the kind that make you fall off your seat while holding your stomach.

as the film's caption states 'intelligence is relative'. sometimes you have to lose it to get it. get it?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

frida oh frida


frida is one of the finest transpersonal artists i know. she looks at herself in the most uncompromising way possible and depicts what she sees with her consummate skill and artistic ability. she does not shirk, she does not flinch. does she glorify, does she exaggerate? i do not think so. but she is looking at her self under a magnifying glass of sorts, so the focus is clear and unequivocal.

an attractive woman with her unconventional personality shining through and making her look strikingly handsome. in her paintings she often presents herself in traditional dress and hairdo. her inner states of torment, desire, longing, resolve, determination, stoic suffering, endurance, pain, love, connection, tenderness, conflict, acceptance, rage, violence, passion, pride, hope, nurturance etc. etc. are expressed in the most nuanced and detailed strokes of her brush. her unflinching portrayal of her most intimate subject - herself gives her both the opportunity to distance herself from her expereince and the ability to integrate it in such a way that she emerges larger than the subject-object duality. to see her work is to see a testament to the courage and resilience of her spirit.

at the risk of sounding grandiose i must admit that i was very pleasantly surprised to see several common themes and modes of expression in her work and mine. however i must also acknowledge at the very outset that her skill and her craft, her talent and her concentration, her command on her brush and tools is far superior to mine, my attempts in comparison are raw at best. she is a modern day master, i a novice awaiting recognition...

nevertheless i too love to portray both the sun and the moon in one painting many times, i often show the man in the tree and the tree in the man and am prone to depict physical roots on people. sometimes the colours are similar and often the emotions...
i am concerned about gender roles, i see myself primarily in my intimate relationship with my man, i strive for equality on all levels, i am conflicted about my identity in terms of traditonal values and modern ideas, i recognize i am larger than the sum of my expereinces although my expereinces are what constitute me and i need/attempt to look at them with utmost attention and awareness.

frida reassures me that such attention is indeed possible and inspires me on my journey as an artist and contemporary woman...

i am grateful to sfmoma for this opportunity to see her original works though i do wish she were not being peddled quite as much, her status as an icon of our times notwithstanding.

some links on frida
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo
http://www.artchive.com/artchive/K/kahlo.html
http://www.artcyclopedia.com/artists/kahlo_frida.html

link to my art works
http://www.digmeart.com/contemporary%20indian%20art.htm