life at seventy-three

Rosa is my neighbor. She is a sprightly seventy three years young. She is the grandmother of the street, as also the most well-informed person regarding the neighborhood’s members. She and her husband have lived on this street for more than forty years, and are a part of its living history. But they also live very much in the here and now. Unlike most old people they are not lost in their reminiscences.

She and her husband own two houses and various cars and they are always busy taking care of these. She also pops into her neighbors’ houses now and then to have a chat or take a break. Rosa was taught to talk to everyone, joke around and laugh a lot; and she lives her life by these principles.

She is a strong and forthright woman. She is very helpful to those she likes and can be brusque and abrupt with those she does not. She has had a few fights with people around her as “I don’t take shit from nobody.” She has a good sense of humor and you can hear her greet her neighbors and her laugh bubbling on any given day.

She is originally from Arizona, but has lived in California all her life. She grew up in a nearby area. She has eight brothers and sisters. Her mother has been a tour-de-force in her life and Rosa gets her Weltanschauung from her. Her parents and siblings lived in a one bedroom house. Her parents had the bedroom and all the siblings slept on mattresses that were rolled out on the living room floor at night. Come morning the beddings disappeared and the room transformed back into its daytime avatar.

She was brought up in a touchy-feely family. They believe in hugs and kisses and often she will demand her hug even when meeting someone for the first time. She always parts from someone dear to her with a hug. “For you never know what might happen and if you never get to see them again at least you know you parted nicely”.

Rosa has two sons and one daughter. She lost her youngest son when he was twenty-six. She is glad that when she saw him last she had shared a few laughs and some hugs and kisses with him. She does not believe in baby-sitting for her grandchildren, although she loves them a lot. Her mother did not baby-sit for her kids, except in emergencies, like a visit to the doctor etc.

She believes in independence. She says she will check herself into an apartment complex for elders when she feels she cannot take care of herself, her houses and cars. The couple owns a few antique cars that her husband often tinkers around with. They enjoy going to car rallies and trade fairs.

Her attitude to life is fairly pragmatic. She worked hard during her adult mid-life supporting her kids as a single mother. She divorced her first husband and brought up her kids with little assistance from him. Though she still calls him a jerk, she has no regrets about raising her kids.

She has an interesting story about she got together with her current husband. She lived then in an apartment complex where a lot of single people lived. She had seen Tom several times and exchanged ‘hellos’. She knew she wanted him and had told her mother that too. He had a girl-friend then, but that was not going to stop her, as she was convinced he was her life-mate. Once after a barbeque she asked him if he wanted to go for a drive. At first he was unwilling, but with the aid of another friend in whom she had also confided, he relented. On the drive, Rosa turned on her charms full throttle. Tom or rather his girl-friend did not have much of a chance. They returned to his apartment and she spent the night there. The next morning the girl-friend came to visit and Rosa opened the door. She asked Rosa who she was and Rosa replied “I am Tom’s girl-friend”. The poor girl said “No, but I am Tom’s girl-friend” Rosa said, “You were till yesterday, now I am.” Rosa said she would have fought for him if she had to. She was not going to let go of him and she has not to this day.

Rosa loves to have sex and they are a sexually active couple. She says she could do it every day and not get tired of it ever. She educates all her children and grand-children about sexual matters in her frank and forthright way. Her grand-daughter impressed the visiting police officers at her school by her response to how she would defend herself in case she was attacked, ‘by grabbing his wee-wee and tugging with all her force and might’.

Rosa is a cancer survivor, but jut looking at her you would not know it. She was treated with radiation therapy, so she has a few marks on her skin, but she does not complain. As she says she is better off being alive. She has no qualms in talking about her death. She gives herself another twenty years at most and she wants to live them to the fullest. For her that means talking, eating, being active, working (in the yard, house-work etc.), traveling, visiting friends and family and just having a good time.

When she is taking off on one of her jaunts and I wish her a good time, her response is “Oh thanks. We sure will, we always have a good time!” Rosa’s outlook on her life and old age is in sharp contrast with the elders of my family and culture. Most of them feel depressed about getting old, living alone or even with their sons’ families, but fearing that they are a nuisance or not really wanted. They bicker and crib about the unfair treatment meted out to them and long for “the good old days” that turn golden in their nostalgia.

Rosa is a no-nonsense woman, but she has little insight what it might be like to be brought up in a different culture and place. Though she enjoys traveling, she has not left her country for her fear of flying. So her exposure is limited to her land and local culture. For example, when talking about women, who have to wear a Burkha she asserts “Oh, I would never do that.” She cannot conceptualize growing up in a culture where you might never have that choice. She has no inkling of how her thoughts, feelings and attitudes are shaped by her up-bringing. She takes all that for granted.

Rosa meets life with head-on with a chuckle and a punch (if necessary) on the ready. Her insistence on self-reliance and her love for life keep her going full steam ahead. She is a lesson to many of her younger friends, who are apt to lose themselves in front of computer and/or television screens. Her physical activity and social engagement keep her spirits high. And vice versa, her positive attitude to life keeps her engaged and active.