observation of attachment and bonding

This is the first son of my good friends S and C. He is called Al En. He has just completed his first trimester. All through her pregnancy S had shared her feelings of joy, anticipation, and anxiety etc. with me. The baby would make a big change in their lives that was for sure. S and C are very sociable people; S in particular is highly gregarious and connects with people in a warm and genuine way. Al seems to have ‘inherited’ this social ease.

Al is a big baby by Indian standards. He is healthy and likes to be with people. He is comfortable even when there are a number of people around him. He is also at ease when he is by himself and enjoys looking at the trees and the sky. He connects with nature easily and when I held him in my arms I felt connected with his natural essence. Those moments were full of stillness and a quiet joy that is hard to put in to words. The wonder in his eyes made me connect with what pure perception is like. His energy was pure being, nothing to do, nothing to prove, just be in the moment and enjoy.

His mother S has a special smile that is reserved for Al. There was a point of time when he was brought into the room by someone else and her face just lit up and I could feel her energy drop into her heart and the love was palpable too. When Al was transferred to her lap his face lit up in response, almost like a mirror. Their special connection and bond was observable to anyone witnessing that moment.

Al has a habit of kicking his right leg in response to music or any energetic activity on the part of the people around him. One of the things that mother and son do almost like a ritual is put on some favorite music of Al’s and dance to it. Al’s taste in music ranges from Bollywood numbers with great lyrics and Sufi lilts to “Bum Bum you gotta party!” The decibels can get pretty high when the mood is right. His mom dances with great gusto and joy all the while keeping eye contact with her son and Al maintains eye contact with her too as he jumps up and down in his ‘bouncer’ and shakes his leg to the rhythm. We can’t help but laugh and get taken in by the mood of celebration and joie-de-vivre. But those are phases of intense activity then he tires out and likes to take power naps for about 20 minutes, after which he is once again available for social interaction.

When any of us (the other loving adults and friends of the parents) try to do the same he does engage in the dance, but is not quite as animated as he is with his mother. Also his gaze shifts more often and now and then he takes a rest. Admittedly none of the others (including myself) is as energetic as his mother is. I was filled with admiration for her enthusiasm, since she had not a good night’s rest given the late night feedings. She does not seem to resent him in the least for keeping her up at odd hours. The only complaint she makes, but more as a joke to us is how she has to clean his poop first thing in the morning. She is often bemused by the quantity of the poop and remarks on that. When I did get an opportunity to observe them at the changing station, there was no sign of aversion or disgust, just a focus on getting the job done.

C the father’s energy is mellower as compared to the mother’s. So there is a nice balance. Al is not jumping up and down when with C, but happy to be lying around looking at the toys dangling on the jungle gym rims. His father likes to read to him and Al listens with interest. Of course he enjoys it more when the story is animated with hand moppets and toys. His father is also more apt to let him be, while his mother seeks to engage his attention more actively and be in a dialogue. His father is the one who bathes him and gives him an oil massage prior to the bath. He has his turn of cleaning and feeding him too.

His mother has a nonsensical or semi-sensical refrain that she says to him with much love and animation and it goes “Baboosh, hurry down the chimney for me!” and his expressions change and mirror his mothers most times when she says this. There is other love talk too but this refrain is reassuring as well as energizing for both of them. If the adults are engaged in some conversation and Al is not the centre of attention of his mother, his gaze follows his mother for a while and then falls on the designated caretaker adult who is by his side. If he can hear his mother’s voice in the room, every now and again his gaze seeks her out even when some aunt of his might be by his side and entertaining him and engaging with him. His mother too will come near Al in the flow of her conversation and say a reaffirming “Baboosh, hurry down the chimney for me!” to him take in his response and then continue her social interaction with the others. The safe haven provided by the mother is thus reinforced and Al stays secure and the mother can have some time with her friends without al getting whiny and demanding.

His mother’s responsiveness can also be observed when al is sleeping in his crib in another room, but the slightest whimper from there can send her running to him. This is also because when he wakes up he likes to have either his mom or dad around him. Otherwise he can get a little upset and starts to cry. If another adult picks him up he is okay for a while but needs the reassuring comfort of his parents. This is only when he wakes up or is otherwise not quite himself, as when his tummy was upset.

Al particularly enjoys the combination of sound and movement. His attention is taken in and held by visual movements and when the movements are accompanied by sounds his interest is keener.

There is a ritual game that Al and his father play. C throws a light piece of muslin cloth at him in mock frustration and says something like ‘Abbe chup’ meaning ‘oh shut up’. In response Al shows a slight startle response with enlarged eyes and a tiny gasp of breath and then cackles and giggles, delighting in the play. After a few rounds of this he expects the muslin to land but still widens his eyes with mock surprise and even feigns a gasp though a few seconds later than the original gasp of surprise. He is already play acting and mirroring mock responses to his father’s mock emotions.

I think Al is a very lucky kid, as he has loving and affectionate parents, who care for him, protect him and nurture him. They look after his needs and wants and make him feel welcome in this world, which is already a better place for having him.

my vision of the future

i wrote this paper as my personal myth for the paradigms of consciousness class. i fell in love with it even as i was writing it. so here i offer it to the world.

Mahavatar Babaji is a real person. With some effort in the right direction we can all achieve what he has achieved. My personal myth is about this time when we are all living together as enlightened human beings, having mastered all our senses, thoughts, feelings and biological processes including aging.

Mahavatar Babaji (the guru of the guru of the guru of Yoganadna Paramhansa, author of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’) has the body of an 18-21 year young adult and has had it for several hundred years and will have it for as long as he chooses. Like him we too have the perfect body that we want, not because we reject imperfections or are afraid of death, dying, illness, handicaps or challenges etc. but because we have already learnt the lessons inherent in our identification with our bodies.

We have moved on to other dimensions of learning that involve a play with much finer, subtler energies, rather than the gross energy of the body. We play with the light that emanates from different sounds, we experiment with nuances of feelings, we explore empathy and understand the power of compassion, we unleash our creativity in multiple ways and our imagination knows no bounds.

We do not have to eat since we know how to get energy for ourselves, by linking our breath with any of the elements earth, water, fire, air, sky or nature. Sometimes we eat to tickle our taste buds, or because we have exercised our creativity in cooking. We can heal any part of our body simply by taking our breath and loving attention there and letting it to do its magic.

We do not need to wear clothes either, for the concepts of shame, guilt and modesty are things of the past. Innocence rules and like children we are completely natural in our nakedness. We can regulate the temperature of our bodies at will and so we can align it with nature and our environment. Since there is no resistance to what is, there is no suffering. We are one with nature and can rest in peace and twist and twirl in its turbulence like the bamboo trees.

We no longer need to have sex. We create our progeny by a process of conceptualization and visualization and holding that idea constant in immense love. We still play around with our and each others’ bodies as and when we like and stimulate, exercise, gambol and pleasure. But it is not because we are looking for some kind of a release from our tensions and pressures. We can hold any kind of energy (sexual, erotic, neurotic, mystic) in our bodies for any length of time with complete ease and comfort.

We live in small or large groups. Children are brought up communally. The biological/conceptual (?) mother is the primary care-taker and the father too. But there is a support group of foster parents, who are on call whenever the mother/father needs a break or is not feeling at her/his nurturing best. The child is kept away from any emotional upset that the parents may be going through like working out their identification with certain old emotional patterns and s/he is taken into a more positive environment.

There is little work in the old-fashioned sense. We no longer need to build, construct, produce goods, sell, market, trade advertise etc. our work is to make our minds finer, sharper, brighter and our hearts warmer, lighter and more loving and accepting. We train in telepathy, teleporting, understanding the essential properties of herbs, plants, trees, insects and animals, in communing with them and seeing the interconnections, not just as concepts but developing our vision to see subtler energies and the bands of light (not unlike laser beams) that are the substance of the interconnections.

We see the colors of each others’ auras, and we can read each others’ emotional states as plain as day. So lies, subterfuge, deceit and the previously called mind-games have no effect at all. Transparency of emotional interaction is as matter-of-fact as the nakedness of our bodies. There is nothing to hide and nobody to hide it from, because we fear no one. Our inter-connectedness is such an established norm, a given fact that aggression or violence is not even an option.

Since all our fears, insecurities, inhibitions and issues have been wiped clean we live in proximity of wild animals without feeling any need to protect ourselves. They wander in and out of our communities without bothering to attack us since we are not aggressive with them. They sense our loving vibes and come now and then to play and to give/get nurturance.

We can read each other’s thoughts and do so only when invited or asked for assistance as with fulfilling a dream project. We lend our thought energy to theirs to crystallize the dream and bring it to manifestation. We can travel great distances in the blink of an eye; teleportation is no big deal, since we know that gross matter comes from the light of consciousness. We have mastered consciousness to the extent that we can play around with (and in) time and space. The matrix is shattered and created again anew in multiple ways to help resolve the issues of a being here or an entity there.

We are no longer divided and split up inside. We listen into the heart of things and follow the course dictated by the heart. There is no pressure within or without. All is ease, spontaneity and flow. All is energy and we can traverse its length and breadth with confident strides. Spirit guides are everywhere, gently nudging us in the right direction when the need arises.

Interpersonal relationships are based on respect, trust, mutual regard, love and affection. Every one is valued, so no one ever feels slighted or hurt. We communicate from the heart and express our innermost feelings, with the conviction that we will be heard and understood. We are often applauded for our talents, skills and our very being. Our personal essence flourishes, we climb to greater heights, our common race thrives, as we celebrate community and treasure each other.

This is the time when the great disaster has come and gone. The devastation wrecked has taught us indelibly the mistakes we made in terms of greed, selfishness, pride, lethargy etc. Having stood at the brink of extinction we have taken the leap of faith and surrendered to the call of the spirit. This has entailed certain choices - to uphold the values of love, sisterhood, community, mutual concern etc. and has put us on this path and brought us to this rung of evolution.

Now we reside in suchness, totally aware and completely cognizant of any passing thoughts, feelings, sensations and its hold on our awareness. Our identification with our mental, emotional, states is a fleeting memory. Our consciousness can manifest our thoughts into actuality with a few exercises of deliberate intent. Hence we are very careful what we wish for. We get signals in our bodies about the responses of the others around us and deliberate upon those, prior to taking action and putting into effect the process of manifestation.

Since our goals are clear we do not fritter any of our resources in meaningless activities. The goal is to move to the next rung of evolutionary ladder and to be light – to transcend matter completely and to be pure energy. We remain conscious of this goal as we play with the matter on our hands – of/in our hands. And we do it with love, in love for that is all that binds us to matter - our love for it. We know it is only a matter of time before we let go of this attachment too; but until then we revel in our perfect bodies that house enlightened minds, loving hearts and compassionate souls.