I have currently
been on this planet in this body for the past fifty years. I probably came
before in various bodies at varied times. But for now we shall concern
ourselves only with this incarnation. Why? Because it is current and therefore
contemporary. Currently I am occupied with various themes.
Although,
I am a psychotherapist I often wonder what my highest purpose is. I do know I am
here to serve people, but not quite clear in what capacity. Psychotherapy is
very fulfilling quite often, yet it seems to be limited in many ways. Most therapists
deal with the mental-emotional layers of their clients, but there is so much
more. A few therapists broach on the intellectual/intuitive/wisdom layers of
the clients, but the layer of bliss, of essence, of spirit or soul is almost
never brought into the therapy room.
I wish I were
writing this on a keyboard that goes clickety-click like the old typewriters of
yore. There is a romance in that sound that is hard to beat. A music that
thrills even as words are getting poured out on to the page. The reader does
not hear it of course yet I believe the sense of rhythm and notation carries
through.
So one of
the themes that I am currently pre-occupied with is to practice my true
vocation. And to make good money doing it. Another is about the relationship I am
in, technically a marriage, factually more of a close kinship; brother and sister
perhaps. It is not just that the sex has gone out of the marriage, but that
there is an almost constant competition, a one-upmanship of sorts. It leaves
the both of us tired, drained. A healthier relationship would be mutually
nourishing, nurturing and supportive of each other’s goals, which we are for
the most part, when there is trust, which is not always the case.
Yet another
theme is around a conundrum. Spiritually all that is considered ideal and
desirable for example love, peace, joy and communion with Spirit, high morals
leaves little room for all that is considered fun. In contemporary culture at
least in the social class that I belong to, fun is defined for the most part as
socializing often with booze, occasionally party drugs, food, entertainment,
television, movies, concerts, adventure sports, and so on. So how is one supposed
to enjoy life when not sitting on the meditation cushion? If one shuns all pleasures
how to connect with joy in the day to day life?
Perhaps the
reader is more concerned with maximizing pleasure rather than minimizing it, in
which case this would be a moot point. However it is one that occupies me
currently. So who am I? This body was born in India of the female gender. This narrative
will follow the trials and tribulations of this sojourn but may not do so in a
linear fashion. Experiences have been had by this body in different countries
so not only might the story jump in time but it certainly will unfold in
various locations. However the reader will not have to work too hard at
following the narrative as suitable hints will be given, unlike some movies
where the action jumps back and forth in time and the audience has to figure
out the time line by themselves. I shall inform the reader i.e. you about the age of the
body at the time of the event. Also for the sake of simplicity I will refer to
the body as I unless strictly necessary although please be aware that I firmly
hold the notion that I am much more than the body.
The body is
only my grossest form or layer or sheath. The energy layer or sheath or form
envelops and permeates the physical body and is much subtler than it. It is
usually an inch to two inches wider than the body in most humans as also in
animals and all things animate and inanimate.
The mental-emotional
layer or form or sheath extends further outwards while permeating the first two
layers and is subtler than both of those. Those people that can see auras see
this layer as consisting of different colors, for emotions have hues just as
they have smells and possibly sounds. I can smell the scents of different
feelings but as yet cannot see the colors.
The intuitive
or wisdom layer extends even more outwards while permeating all of the other
three layers and being even more subtle. We are not bodies that have ideas but
we are ideas or minds that have bodies. The concept came first and then the
manifestation of it not the other way around. One might think of this layer as
being the blueprint of the body.
The subtlest
of all the layers is the bliss layer and it permeates all the other layers, so
at the core we are bliss. No matter what silly/seemingly sensible notion we
might be identified with at the moment we are intrinsically blissful. Even though
this layer is extremely subtle it is still matter at some level. I am more than
that as well. I am soul having an embodied experience for a while. I am a tiny
drop of Spirit that which is in all and sustains all.
All of these
have fancy names as well, I know the ones from my country of origin well. The physical
body is annamaya kosha as it is the body that comprise food, anna being food,
soft n’s. the energy body is called pranamaya kosha, prana being life force,
like chi. The mental emotional layer is called the manomaya kosha, where mana
is mind. Interestingly there is not western division of mind vs. heart. Manas is
the heart-mind of a human being consisting of thoughts, feelings, emotions,
attitudes.
The intuitive
layer is called gyanamaya kosha where gyan is knowledge, not just information
but more like wisdom. This layer consists of ideas, intuitions, beliefs,
concepts. The final layer of bliss is known as anandmaya kosha where anand is
joy or bliss. And I am an atma or soul, in western literature it is often spelt
with a ‘n’ at the end as atman but that follows the Sanskrit pronunciation not
the spoken hindi one, which gets pronounced as aatmaa. My atma is one
reflection of the universal Spirit which is called Bramhan. And here I will keep
the western and Sanskrit pronunciation because there is also a God called
Bramha, who is the creator of all.
Hinduism proclaims
the trinity as the creator-maintainer-destroyer of all that is, Bramha-Vishnu-Mahesh.
Mahesh is more popularly known as Shiva or Shankar. Vishnu has had many
incarnations and he is more famous as Ram or Krishna. I do not mean this to be
a pedantic lecture on Hindu iconography, but I was brought up with tales of
various gods and a few goddesses and so my consciousness is seeped in that
mythology. I am not aware of your culture so I do not
know what parallels to offer, but most children grow up listening to (at least
in my generation) folk tales and/or fairy tales. Well I grew up on tales of Ram. Krishna, Hanuman,
Shiva, Ganesh, Radha and Sita.
I heard
these stories from my father who I addressed as Baba and my mother I refered to as Aai. I guess if I were writing this in India I would not be offering so many
explanations as I am doing now. Since I currently reside in the United States
of America I am sort of assuming a largely western audience. Although western
is such an arbitrary delineation based on where the map gets cut off. The earth
is a globe not a flat piece of land with Japan at the far East and the Americas
at the far west. Had we cut the map through the Atlantic ocean rather than the
Pacific the Americas would have been at the far east and Europe at the far
west. So many random demarcations become the writ of law as it were, we forget that the other versions are as true but we are not as accustomed to them as to the one in current use.
(to be continued)